Something I Have To Remember

        Thomas F. Eden                      1953 - 2013
 

Tom and Christopher (about age six)

     My brother-in-law, Chris's brother, passed away peacefully during the night two weeks ago. We had been expecting it. He was in hospice care at the Masonic Home in Burlington. Of course, expecting it does not mean that we were shock-proofed. The call came at 3:30 a.m. The first thought at that hour is that someone has dialed wrong; the second thought is that this is it--the call you been dreading even though you knew it would be coming sooner or later.

     Tom was a great guy. He was a strong but gentle spirit. He loved his family, his friends, and most especially his 12 year old son, Christopher. He had a slow, dry sense of humor even to the end. We would go down to visit him and always be surprised that someone in such a final stage of life could still be so witty. Because he never complained, it didn't seem as if he were suffering any great physical agony of any sort; although he surely must have been quite uncomfortable. But that was Tom--apparently he regarded complaining as a fairly useless exercise of emotions. I have to remember that. 
     Amid all the complaining, blaming, and self-pity that seems to come so naturally to human nature, there is another point of view that is available for those who have eyes to see: life is what it is with or without our permission.
     Though there are certainly exceptions to the rule in the overall scheme of human existence, especially when you consider what is going on in the world at large ("man's inhumanity to man"--I haven't figured out how to phrase that in a politically correct fashion), and even though there are definitely some mean-spirited people in the world, for the most part in our individual lives, things just happen because they happen. In other words, no one was out to get us, hurt us, or punish us. The world is not against us because it rains on the day we were going to the beach. We don't get a cold because someone wanted us to be sick. We didn't have a flat tire on the way to work because God doesn't like us.
     Is there a time to complain, to blame, and to feel sorry for ourselves? Of course there is. I just think we sometimes get carried away with it. We use it not as a healthy source of venting our emotions, but as an excuse for not taking responsibility for ourselves or as a way to control other people ("Do you see what you've done to me?" "it's your fault that I'm this way!" "Do you realize how you have ruined my life, my day, my happiness?"--those sort of things). Tom never complained. I definitely have to remember that.
     He will be missed by his family, his friends and those who knew him because he was a good person and pleasant to be around. He brought good energy to the world, and if there's one thing we need more of, it's that. And if there's one thing we need less of, it's the tendency in human nature to be so caught up with our misery that we make others miserable along with us.

"See, I am making all things new." (Revelation 21:5b